Seeking Solace
by ImaginationWell
Summary: One year to the day after Max dies, Alec turns up at four-fifteen in the morning, curls into Magnus's arms, and mumbles something about not wanting to be home right now; Magnus just muzzles his hair, understanding all too well. Malec one-shot


_One year to the day after Max dies, Alec turns up at four-fifteen in the morning, curls into Magnus's arms, and mumbles something about not wanting to be home right now; Magnus just muzzles his hair, understanding all too well._

It was raining again, the sort of pounding rain that completely soaked you, down to the very bone, until you're nothing but wet and cold and a shivering mess. His teeth clacked violently together, cursing himself for not bringing a jacket; cursing himself in general because of events that had transpired exactly a year ago. He clenched his teeth, sure they were already chipped anyway, and clutched at his soaked, limp hair. He stopped, for a moment, under an amber streetlight, and just _stood_ there, eyes closed and tears running freely down his face, because when will he be able to cry like that again? They mixed with the pouring, nearly acidic rain, swirling together until there was no difference between his tears and the tears of heaven. He stopped clenching his teeth, opting for biting his lips instead; it hurt more that way. Alec watched, semi-consciously, at the blood now dripping down his chin and onto the pavement, the stark red spiraling with the muddied rainwater, creating beautiful patterns; beautiful from every aspect. Billowing red liquid wound itself in the water, creating a spectacular show, more blood dripping rhythmically to hit the concrete that it almost became relaxing. The pounding rain was reduced to a dull hum in the background now, and all Alec could see was blood; all he could feel was the sensation of it dripping down his chin; all he could hear was the sound of it pattering against the sidewalk; all he could smell was its sharp, metallic scent that pierced his nose, and all he could taste was its coppery flavor. It felt good, it felt so _good_ , and he had no idea how long he stood there, mesmerized by his own blood, trying to rid his head of images from _that night_ and goddammit _goddammit why wasn't it_ working _it should work_ and —

Suddenly a bright yellow (too bright) taxi zoomed past Alec's position on the sidewalk, its wet tires rolling over a pool of dirty water in the middle of road; the mist sprayed up, into a high arc, before splashing down onto the road. The car was long gone, off into the night (or was it technically morning), but it was all he needed to break out of his reverie. He looked around, confused, almost, his perception clouded by a lack of sleep.

"I need to get away from here," he muttered, breathing shallow, voice hollow, as he set off towards his destination again. He didn't think anymore; the route from the institute to Magnus's apartment was ingrained in his head. He could walk there with his eyes closed (which was what he was doing right now. He was too tired to open them. It was a surprising feat he didn't fall asleep on the way there, actually).

The rain was falling even harder now, drenching him in a way that made him believe he'd never be dry again. It pounded against his skull, which was an unfortunate metaphor because it brought back things he'd rather not remember. Like Sebastian's hammer hitting the back of Max's head. Max crippling down onto the floor. Lifeless grey eyes…

Alec should have _been_ there, he could have held off Sebastian while Isabelle and Max left, and sure, he would've probably died, but it would've meant that Max would still be alive, and Max was much more important than Alec because it's not like it _mattered_ to anyone whether he lived or died. It didn't matter to him, at least.

By now, he had reached Magnus's apartment and hastily opened the door and leaned against it as it shut close. Immediately, he was met by near silence; the howling wind and pulsing rain had been muffled to the point you had to strain to hear it, and by a blast of warm air. The warmth was good, but the silence was not. Silence meant he had time to think. He was trapped in his own thoughts and there was no way to escape.

Breathing ragged, Alec managed to drag himself up the stairs and unlock the door to Magnus's apartment with shaking hands. He stood on the entrance rug, let his hair and clothes drip, letting his body sag against the door. He stayed like that for a while, half-hoping Magnus would, by some miracle, still be awake, despite it being 4:15 in the morning, and that he'd hug him and hold him close and never let go and Alec would breathe in his scent and fall asleep in his arms. He always smelled like the air after a lightning strike, like wet wood in a rainforest. It was an odd combination, but it always calmed him down, whether he was trying (and failing) to fall asleep, or when he was so stressed it felt like it would be easier to drop dead.

He suddenly heard a voice above him, whispering his name with an alarming urgency. He felt a soft hand against his cheek, a swipe of a thumb over his cheekbone, and the smell of lightning and wet wood…

Alec's eyes fluttered open (when had he closed them?) and stared up at worried green eyes, blinking one or two times, before finally comprehending who was standing above him.

"Magnus," he breathed out, voice raspy but filled with solace, "why aren't you asleep?"

Magnus's brows furrowed together, and kneeled down in front of him (when did his sink down to the floor?).

"Alec…what are you doing here? It's 4:30 in the morning, and you're _soaked_. Did you walk all the way here? Why…" and then he trailed off, eyes dawning with comprehension.

"Oh…" he breathed, "it's September."

And Alec had never loved him so much as he did in that moment.

Too choked to say anything coherent, he just curls into Magnus's arms, and mumbles, "I can't be home right now."

And Magnus just wraps his arms around Alec, hugging him tight against his chest, nuzzles against his hair, and whispers, "I know," as Alec breathes in his scent and falls, _finally_ , into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

 **Good lord I love writing Alec. His emotions are just so tangible and real and I just love it.**

 **Also, this is my first time writing, in, like, a year,** ** _and_** **it hasn't been edited, so there are probably a fuckton of mistakes and shit in here. I wrote this 2 in the morning, what can you do.**

 **Also, that prompt at the beginning, I got that off of Spun's Snippets, where they take one sentence prompts and expand on them. So I just expanded on the sentence. The original prompt was Seeking Solace -looks at title- oohhhh**

 **So definitely go check out Spun, like right now, because they write amazing malec fics and their characterization is spot on I've never read a fic before with characterization that amazing because writing Magnus is incredibly hard and they capture him effortlessly and literally they're the reason I started writing again so yeah**

 **However their account has been dead for I think almost 3 years now, so don't get your hopes up for any new fics.**

 **But anyway if you enjoyed this, then feel free to review and tell me if you'd like more of these!** **(Please though, writing this was a legitimate destresser for me.)**


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